We all know it. After a long day at the office we come home, looking forward to the cozy couch, dinner and a hug from our partner. Unfortunately, in many relationships this is far too often not the case. Often come home and what happens? Nothing.
Perhaps we will be greeted with a murmuring "hello" and if we are lucky with a fleeting kiss. We wait in vain for the long-awaited hug, we have to prepare dinner ourselves, the unwashed laundry is still lying on the floor in front of the washing machine and dust would have to be wiped up again. The cuddly couch we were looking forward to has to wait a while.
Our stress level has now risen to our necks and we are threatening to explode. The day ends with us throwing things from 2 weeks ago at our partner's head, getting loud and going to bed in a fight. The next morning is also ruined and the vicious circle takes its course.
Of course and hopefully this is not your everyday situation, but surely you have experienced such a day before. But why do we stress each other even more as a couple instead of giving each other support and love? And how can we as a couple best deal with stress in our relationship?
Where does stress in the relationship come from anyway?
The above example includes only one of many causes of stress in the relationship, namely Work stress. Although work is not directly related to the relationship, we usually take the stress of time pressure and projects with us when we leave work.
In addition, we may have been annoyed with our boss, colleagues or customers and spill coffee on the way. This creates an enormous pressure in us, which we first have to release at home. Our partner, who hasn't noticed anything of all this and doesn't know what's happening to him, then takes the blame.
Besides work stress, there are many other causes of relationship stress. Financial problems, Disagreementswhich often go back weeks or months but have never been solved, inadequate Sex and different or even unknown preferences, Jealousy, Children (be it planning a child's birthday party, the eternal search for a place in a daycare centre or bad grades at school), bad habits and unreliability of the partner, Dishonesty and the resulting lack of confidence in the partner and the relationship.
How can we deal with stress so that our relationship does not suffer?
Depending on which area of our life we experience the most stress, there are many different ways to deal with it and thus avoid stress in the relationship.
closing time is closing time
When leaving the office and at the latest when entering our apartment, we should let work be work. This applies to both employees and the self-employed. A checklist on which we can note down and tick off the most important tasks of the day (preferably no more than three) can be helpful. Also useful is a fixed time slot, for example from 8:30 to 17:00, which we dedicate exclusively to our work. With this we have Work and evening clearly separated and can then devote ourselves to other things, such as spending time with our partner.
Household as a common activity
It sounds absolutely exciting and is not the right method for everyone to reduce stress, but it is worth a try. Because if we do the household together, the whole work does not get stuck to one person. How do you say it? A sorrow shared is a sorrow halved. With the right Music and little sweet banter can be a lot of fun to tidy up, clean and shop. Try it out!
Learning to deal with money
Teamwork makes the dream workeven when it comes to money. If money worries burden the partnership, this is not a problem of one individual, but has a negative effect on the relationship. To avoid relationship stress caused by financial problems, you should change something in the area of finances, and do it together. Take the time to write down in concrete terms what money comes in each month and what goes out in fixed costs. Take a look at your account and write down specifically what you spend money on each month and where BOTH can make savings.
In addition to your own account you can create a shared account or create a savings account, into which you pay e.g. 10% of your income every month. Or create a joint account for purchases and unexpected expenses, which you use exclusively for weekly shopping and irregular expenses, such as car repairs or the purchase of a new washing machine. With a financial buffer, life is much more relaxed.
A common hobby or sport
As is well known, sport triggers happiness hormones and so we have killed two birds with one stone: Stress reduction and time for two. If you haven't found your sport yet, try out different sports. Sports such as dancing, rowing, running, climbing and cycling strengthen team spirit, and even a martial art can strengthen cohesion and trust.
Setting common goals and forging plans
I know this sounds totally unromantic, but chaos arises from lack of plan in the relationship. Especially in the case of stress caused by unreliability, it helps to make common plans and to give our Partnership to make sense. Think about what goals you still want to achieve as a couple. Do you want to run a marathon together? Build a house? Where do you want to go on holiday next? When are children planned? The best thing is to write down your concrete goals as a couple and determine a period of time in which you want to achieve these goals. But also think about how you want to reach this goal. What steps do you need to take together to achieve this goal?
These do not always have to be the big plans like wedding and family planning. It can also be something smaller, like creating a common photo wall, redesigning the living room or building a bed. A joint project strengthens cohesion and the team spirit. And who knows, you might discover new talents in yourself or your partner.
Out of the everyday life
A spontaneous mini vacation is a welcome A change from the daily grind. For this it is enough to go to the sea or the next lake for the weekend or to visit a city you both haven't seen yet. The new surroundings make room for adventure, new discoveries and positive thoughts. Even a day trip or a visit to your favourite café can be enough to get away from it all. Important: Remove cell phones and other distractions from the field of vision. So you can give yourself your full attention and enjoy the moment together.
As with sports, sex Happiness hormones and that can give you the necessary jolt out of the relationship low. Prerequisite: Both want it, both enjoy it and sex was not the trigger for the stress in your relationship. However, if the stress in your relationship comes from unfulfilled preferences, it is important that you talk about it beforehand. Only through frank communication problems can be solved and the sex life can be improved.
The A&O in the relationship are open and detailed discussions in which we give our full attention to our partner. Problems can be addressed without blaming the other person. Instead of statements like "You don't have any time for me anymore", sentences like "I feel alone lately because we spend so little time together. are much more effective and show your partner that you care about solving the problem.
By "I"-formulated sentences you can make it clear to your partner how you feel in a certain situation without letting your partner carry the burden of the problem. This way you can work as a team to find a solution and end the conversation with a common goal in a harmonious and strengthened way.
To good Communication belongs also intent listening. One of the most valuable gifts we can give someone is our undivided attention. Therefore, let your partner have his or her say without interrupting him or her and listen to him or her. Of course, the same applies here again: mobile phones away.
Bottom line: I would like to give you the idea that you and your partner do not fight against each other, but tackle the problem together. Consciously take time for each other to name the problem and find solutions. No relationship is without problems.
The key is to act as a team, with team meetings (communication), team building (hobbies, sex, getting out of the everyday), strategies (common plans, goals, budget and finances). With every problem you go through together, you strengthen your relationship and become an unbeatable team!
This article is a guest contribution from Lisa Mandelartz
I am Yogini, Wellness Warrior, Mindfulness Coach and loving rebel and love books, dogs, tea and rainy weather at least as much as good food, sustainability and my yoga mat. On my website Lisa Mandela - Happy & Healthy Living I write and share everything that belongs to a happy and healthy life and support women with mindfulness and wellness coaching to find back to their center and inner beauty.
This includes above all Yin and Vinyasa Yoga, meditation, modern spirituality without hocus-pocus and the achievement of inner well-being. I attach great importance to an undogmatic and open approach to tasks and solutions. There is not always THE one-size-fits-all method. The main thing is that we are really happy with what we do and share this happiness with the world.